Over the last month or so I've experienced a feeling I've never had before in my life: wanting to get out of the city. In Madison I wanted the opposite so badly. But a couple weeks ago I went down to Urbana, and I found myself thinking "it's nice to be out of the city." I talk to some of my friends who are living abroad or in remote locations, and imagine getting away from the constant stimulation and having endless time to read, write, reflect, create... I imagine that after the first few days of going stir crazy, it would be very nice for a little while. And then I would go stir crazy again and demand to go back to civilization.

I like this feeling though, because something is complete here in a way that it's never been before in my life. And I feel it even now when I'm having a totally miserable week and want nothing more than to crawl under a rock and hide for a while. So that's promising. But so is a week of vacation in Minnesota...

I had such a beautiful, relaxing weekend. Thursday to Saturday was glorious. But now I'm paying for it, hardcore. Staying up late again tonight doing script-formatting. I think I'm out of printer paper, which is terrible. Really bad timing--I still have 3 scenes to print. Then work the next 4 days, along with script editing and a somewhat intimidating rehearsal.

I'm pretty much a domestic failure, too. Trying so hard to get my laundry done, but I've accomplished one load in the last few days. Plus 3 at work today, but that was costumes and does not help me out in my quest to have clothes to wear. I come home and collapse, and my domestic failure-tude haunts me and makes me feel guilty. Even though what I really need to do is deal with this damn script. And find my cheat sheet for work tomorrow...shoot. I hope I didn't throw it away.

So what I'm trying to say is...I'm failing at life right now. Being a young director is hard. I have so many ideas, and articulating them is so hard. Everything sounds great in my head, and then when I open my mouth I'm like "why did I think that made sense?" Just gotta muddle through it I guess. Just like everything else. Muddling through it. Because really how much can I complain? Boo hoo, I get to do what I love several times a week and spend time with tons of great people who are just as passionate about it as I am. Life is so hard. But you know...it's still...life.

Only a week and a half til Minnesota. Can. Not. Wait.