Much Fear Shakespeare

Shakespeare exam tomorrow. I can't seem to study. Today I had the flu. But I don't think it was the real flu, it was just a terrible 9 hours where I couldn't focus and thought I might pass out. The fatigue took over, which was weird because I've gotten enough sleep the last few days. I think it was some kind of anxiety attack. Like...a slow burn or something. I'm worrying about so many things. And I think my health is just off kilter lately anyway. Plus I'm not eating right. Or exercising. My classes might finally stop killing me after this exam tomorrow. And my auditions are Saturday, which is like ten times scarier than going to an audition.

I might have a little faith in myself as a director though. I think I might actually have an authoritative bone in my body. That thought calms me down a little. Once I have a cast, I will probably calm down even more.

A Rough Summary of the Upcoming Week, Starting at This Moment

1. Workshop stories.
2. Get 8 beautiful hours of sleep, probably interrupted by the stifling heat in my apartment and/or extreme feelings of stress.
3. Get story workshopped in class and feel horrible about myself afterwards because the class will inevitably say that the story is "not about anything," or is "cliche and non believable," or that it reads like a play.
4. Listen to remaining nutri sci lectures (or majority thereof) while trying to write restoration paper, therefore missing all the information in the nutri sci lectures and being no better off than when I started.
5. Curse my life at 5 am and vow never to do something like this again. This one is a weekly occurrence.
6. Skip class, hand in paper in next class, and cram for nutri sci.
7. Take nutri sci exam, filling in lots of pretty patterns on the scantron and guessing C when in doubt (on half to 3/4 of the questions).
8. Play hearts on the computer until Scrubs comes on, then watch an hour of Scrubs and whatever dumb show comes on after it. This one is a weekly occurrence.
9. Scramble to read the last act of Much Ado About Nothing and the last four and a half acts of Two Gents of Verona, turning to spark notes less than halfway through.
10. Do scansion and paraphrase homework, wishing I had more energy to put into it.
11. Lunch, class, coffee (hopefully the last of the three will take less than four hours this time).
12. Pretend to read restoration plays for 3 hours before rehearsal. Then realize that in that time I could have read the entire play, and get very upset.
13. Go to rehearsal, get home at 11:30 and sit down to read the whole five acts of the play I was supposed to have read for Tuesday. This one is a weekly occurrence.
14. Thursday classes, after which I will suddenly realize that my concept meeting is on Sunday and I haven't picked up Asymmetry in a week. Panic will ensue.
15. Improv practice! This will be the high point of the week.
16. Frantically try to work on Asymmetry, but by this point will be so burnt out that I will fall asleep as soon as I pick up the play. This is where the downward spiral of productivity begins.
17. This takes me to Friday, when Jenny is coming to visit and perhaps I will relax, or pretend to relax while stress and anxiety brew in my general torso and stomach region. This is the constant state of things for the semester.
18. Repeat for the next thirteen weeks.

Being Swallowed Whole by the Semester?

I have a story due tomorrow for my workshop. I've written just over 2 pgs. While there's no page minimum for individual stories, over the span of 2 stories we must write 25 pages. That's fine, but the people who handed in stories last week set the bar way too high by writing 12, 16, and 23 page stories. Really? Is that necessary?? Now I'm just going to look bad even if I manage the 10 pages that I would consider to be a great accomplishment. Too much pressure. I'm not sure why I signed up for this class.

That is only the beginning of the endless amount of work I have to do in the next week and a half. AND there's all this beautiful springlike weather that I want to enjoy! The world is an evil place.

Surprises

I think this is the semester where I learn to like Shakespeare. Like reading it, even, in a can't-put-it-down kind of way. Taking this class was a good decision.

I have made a lot of good decisions this year. They have surprised me.

Back in the Cold

I finally made it back to freezing cold Wisconsin last night. We left the house in Florida at 10 AM Saturday morning, and I got back to my apartment at 9 PM Sunday night. That is a long time to spend in a car. To be fair, we stopped at a theatre in Atlanta for 5 hours to do a show. Then in Tennessee there was an entire section of the interstate closed down because the roads were icy and there were 40 accidents. Forty! The cops wouldn't let us though so we had to pull over t0 the parking lot of a fireworks store at 3:30 AM and sleep until 6:30 when we could leave. Tennessee is a strange place. Georgia is weirder, Kentucky is less weird, and Indiana is boring.

The week was awesome though. It didn't get that warm while we were there, but we went to the beach one day anyway. I got attacked by seagulls. They stole my lunch. We swam a lot at the house, played cards for hours on end, and had one of the wildest nights Titanic has ever had. Then finally on out last day some people ventured out to St. Petersburg to see the Salvador Dali museum, which was amazing. And I ate turtle! It was in soup, and surprisingly good. I'm really bitter that I can't sit around being lazy anymore. And I'm weirded out that I'm all alone in my apartment after being surrounded by 12 other people for the last week and a half. It's a weird adjustment. So is the weather. And the fact that I have to go to class tomorrow.

I don't play to lose, but I don't play to win either

Last night a bunch of us got together to watch Scrubs (the new season is really good by the way, despite the network change), and then played a game of Risk. I worked furiously to conquer Europe, and had enough of a stronghold is Asia that I could feasibly take that over too, but as soon as I got Europe I didn't want anything else. I was content to eat cheese and go to art museums, and didn't care if I won the game or not. I realized then, that I don't care if I'm in first place, as long as I'm not in last place. It was an interesting thing to discover.

This week is glorious. I'm relaxed and productive at the same time, and in 2 days I'll be en route to Florida for the beauty that is tour. Two of our counterparts at the U of I will be sticking around for the first couple days of our tour because of a transportation issue--I'm really excited to hang out with them and have some inter-Titanic bonding. I need to go get a book to read by the pool...I doubt I'll have much luck finding the Year of Living Biblically at Avol's, and it's too late to order it on Amazon :( Perhaps some more Vonnegut. It is always more Vonnegut...

Uncluttered

Madison is so quiet these days. There's something vast and lazy about it that makes me feel relaxed. Last night I went to see Yesman, which is a worthwhile movie, but the moment where I (loudly) exploded a bag of Reese's Pieces all over the floor just as the movie was starting might have been the funniest part. Today has been lazy. I saw Amelia, and I finally have a few groceries. There's hardly anybody in town, but I don't care. I'm not feeling very social. I'm going to clean my bedroom this week, and bake cookies, and maybe write a little. I'm at peace. It's great.